Staying Alive

Idea For [kidstalkradio.pnn.com]

Shivers — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 23:26:01 GMT

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Doctor List

Shivers — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 21:34:02 GMT

Currently in Practice: Doctors in the United States 788,453 in total <> 17,727 emails Lots of Doctors in specialties like Orthopedics, Surgery, Radiology, Dermatology, Neurology, General Practice etc.. Over a dozen sortable fields This week only you pay only: $396 === IF YOU ORDER THIS WEEK YOU GET THESE AS A BO NUS === American Pharmaceutical Company Listing 47,000 personal emails and names of decision makers Hospitals in the US Complete contact information for the important jobs held at the hospitals Extensive Directory of Dentists in the USA 597,000 dentists and dental services ( a $350 value!) American Chiropractors Directory Complete data for all chiropractors in the US (a $250 value) reply by email: ShereeKeenan@kmedlist.com above expires on October 31 Forward email to goneforever@kmedlist.com to purge you from our records

LOve u Laterrrr

Shivers — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 17:19:27 GMT

Love you later

-- Shivani Tibrewala

Love. Everybody is talking about it these days, everybody is in it, and then sadly everyone is out of it - a tad too soon. Why doesn't love last like it used to? Where has all the love gone?

It's too easy to say this generation has lost its values. That we don't know how to love. That we are too selfish. Passing judgment has never been difficult. But actually understanding a phenomenon takes a lot more effort. I've been trying to figure out - over the last few months - why it is that I am increasingly surrounded by single women - and men.

My girl friends range from 25 to 35 years old on average, are beautiful, intelligent, warm, passionate, sensitive, funny, independent and successful in their careers.

My guy friends range from 25 to 35 years old on average, are beautiful, intelligent, warm, passionate, sensitive, funny, independent and successful in their careers.

But.

Yeah, strange. Where did that come from? Why does there have to be a but? It sounds perfect. But there's always a but.

Bottomline: it's not the qualities that are mismatched. It's the needs. And what either sex is willing to be - or provide.

What follows is a speculative analysis - somewhat generalized - but largely true... arrived at after talking to a cross-section of my male and female friends...

The women want men who think they are beautiful (some things never change), who have depth (but also humor), who will be interested in their careers (but not interfere), will be there for them emotionally (without crowding them of course), who will give them space to grow (But be right there all the while), who won't lie (but know the difference between honesty and meanness), who won't cheat on them (but won't go hysterical if they talk to other men), who will be nice to their girlfriends (But not too nice!), who will be respectful to parents (but please no mama's boys), who will be sensitive and passionate in bed (but not aggressive), who are poets, warriors, doctors and farmers all at the same time, and who will mow the lawn (luckily few couples can afford one, and the ones who can can also afford a gardener. But it's a symbolic thing...).

The men want women who are super-hot, who will be wildcats in bed (the more aggressive the better), who won't cheat on them (in spite of having several men lusting after them), who will not expect them to be interested in their careers but who will be understanding of their demanding careers (or non-careers - if they are at the still-struggling stage), who won't go around obsessing about their independence, who do not get overly emotional at the drop of a hat, but who are very emotionally tuned in at all times to what the man wants (and who give it without a fight), who say what they want up front (but only want stuff that their men are able to give them), who will give them space to watch the world cup/ hang out with the boys/pass comments on other attractive women without getting ballistic/meet other women/cheat (the last three depending entirely on levels of boldness & having little or nothing to do with morality). And who won't expect marriage to be the natural culmination of things. What lawn?

It doesn't sound that different from the men are from mars women are from venus stuff. Except that there is one key difference. Nobody is willing to compromise anymore. Nobody wants to give in. Earlier the women usually gave in. because they had to. Not because they were better women. Because they were financially dependent on their men. As women discover economic independence, they also discover other qualities in themselves - like pride, dignity, a refusal to conform to society's - or male society's - notions of what goes. And so for the first time, women are speaking up. And saying ‘no thanks' instead of ‘okay, whatever you say'. Now naturally, the men are a bit startled - because it's really the women who are changing - they are pretty much where they were, in terms of their movement as a specie. So they don't get this sudden transformation. What happened? How come I'm suddenly the villain? It's an understandable predicament that the men find themselves in, because they grew up with their mothers - and now suddenly, these women. Who are just not like any women they have ever known. Who are not interested in simply playing ‘nurturer'. Or being mothers, even, sometimes. Who just want a job, like them, who want recognition, like them, who make money, sometimes more than them, and yet - they are women, not men. So what is this new breed of women all about?

The other thing is of course that the women have also had a sexual liberation. We're going through what America went through way back when. So now all the men are going crazy because for the first time, they can ask a woman to go to bed with them without having to marry her first. Or at least without her expecting it. The women, too, are equally excited with the idea of premarital sex. The problem is that just like the men grew up with their mothers, the women grew up with their fathers. So they grew up with these caring, patronizing men who looked after the family and were - at least overtly - loyal to their mothers. Who married one woman and stayed with her throughout their lives. So even though they welcome the idea of being independent and liberated, they also want secretly somewhere that undying, mystic, eternal love - and not just a bedroom affair. So for the women, there is an internal struggle between being modern and old-fashioned, between being sexually liberated and being seen as a ‘good girl', between having fun and doing the ‘right thing', between being accepted and acceptable, between being envied and being respectable. So the poor men are constantly bombarded with these mixed signals, which they completely fail to fathom.

Meanwhile, the men are trying to make the best of what they are getting. So they act out their desires and try to keep the women happy. Thing is, the women themselves don't know right now what would really make them happy. So it's pretty much impossible for the men to figure it out. So they go through this trial and error thing for a while, practise on a couple of women, realize it's pointless, impossible, and finally give up. And then they turn into what women call ‘self-obsessed jerks'.

What happens to the women is that they realize that men just don't get it, they get frustrated, they start bonding with their female friends, they talk about how men just don't get it, they all sympathize with each other about how men are jerks, and the best strategy is use-abuse-discard. And therein are born the next category of women - the ‘cold heartless bitches'. Problem is when these women meet men who have still not become ‘self-obsessed jerks', and when the ‘self-obsessed jerks' meet women who have still not become ‘cold heartless bitches' - they don't know how to handle it. They have become so attuned to the new breed that this catches them off-guard, and they run away, suspicious, doubtful, unwilling to trust again. And so even though both women and men keep waiting to meet that special someone, they want them on their terms and their terms only. Instead of being something that can lift you up, love becomes something that is measured, sized up, evaluated, judged, tested, put through the test of fire. And therein lies the death of love.

Oh god when did I get to be this boring? All I think about is love. I'm sounding like a Beatle. I should write about something political and important. I should be writing about the importance of organic farming, about the rising prices of milk, about the elections, about corruption, about untrained, unscrupulous contractors being entrusted with building our homes, about children getting hooked to drugs at even earlier ages than they used to, about the lack of infrastructure, about the floods, about tsunamis, about global warming, about bomb blasts, about our government, about our country's problems, about the youth's indifference to our country's problems.

Thing is, I'm part of that youth. And yes, I am obsessed with love. With the need to love and be loved. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Yes there are other preoccupations. Yes perhaps love is a luxury that one can wallow in only when one has everything else. But that is precisely the point. When you have everything else, and it's still not enough - you realize that love is the thing that makes it all worthwhile. Without love, it's really quite pointless to have it all.

Sounds naïve, dumb and idealistic? Ok, go ahead, run away from it. It's true, even you know it's true, but you're too much of a coward to admit that you want love just as much as anybody. That it's the thing you most want in your life. A rock-solid, overpowering, beautiful and perfect love. That will help you fly, that will make you cherish what you have, and that will make you forget what you do not - because nothing else matters once you have that kind of love in your life.

The previous generation has often faulted ours for being flippant, for not taking life seriously enough. Yet statistics show that India is at an all-time economic high. The nation is doing better than it ever has. And 50% of the population fall into the category of youth. So we obviously have it all. And yet suicide rates are also at an all-time high. And the segment at greatest risk is the youth. So what does this portend? If we really have it all, why are we so depressed? What is it that is missing?

A sense of fulfilment. The realization that money isn't everything. While the previous generation had drilled into our heads that it was upto us to make a life for ourselves, and that was our sole motive in our college-and-just-out-of-college years, we realized somewhere along the way that it wasn't enough. That something was lacking. that success wasn't much fun unless there was someone to share it with, to cheer us on. That family is wonderful, but that they can't really relate to the people we have become after following the paths that we have. That they love us anyway, but they don't really understand us.

That they don't prevent us from doing what we want, but they don't exactly always approve either. That support is sometimes given grudgingly. And while we realized all this, we kept shoving it to the back of our minds, saying ‘i'll think about it later'.

Well, later arrives sooner or - later. And when it does, it brings a whole host of questions. Like is this what my life is all about? What is the meaning of life, finally? Who am I going to share my life with? Will I end up alone?

Because what has happened is that as India experiences her economic boom, the generation that is helping bring it all about is increasingly finding itself more and more isolated, more and more alone, more and more incapable of building relationships in a world driven by the very technology that this very generation has created. The technology built to aid communication has ended up hampering communication, creating more and more channels and leaving less and less time to say anything worthwhile. The frenzied pace of communication has cheapened its value, and efficiency has replaced depth. The lack of time spent in reflection before speaking leads to callous exchanges, unnecessary conversations, and over-exposure to each other. The romance of distance and time apart has been replaced with the convenience of being always in touch. Space has become a fashionable word, instead of a once-necessity that deepened love.

We have become afraid to love. We are afraid to let ourselves go, to give up that space that we have fought so hard to make our own. We are afraid of being fooled into giving everything without getting anything in return, we are afraid of losing our pride, our dignity, our self-respect. We are afraid of being humbled, being humiliated, being rejected, being forgotten, being tossed aside. We are afraid of being outgrown. We are afraid of being wrong, of being told that we are wrong, of admitting when we are wrong - because it has become so critical to be right all the time. Because everything is being constantly assessed - because we are constantly under surveillance. They say these are competitive times. If you thought getting a job is tough, think again. Getting love has never been this difficult. There are so many out there vying for that position, it is not even funny. Do you measure up? Do you have all the necessary qualifications? All the necessary qualities? All the necessary capacities to give and to take?

We are afraid of being miserable. Of pain. Of waiting. Of being left behind. Of being the one who loves more deeply. Of being loved whole-heartedly - because of the guilt it brings when our own love is not deep enough. Of being cheated. Of commitment to any one love or any one person - because maybe there's something better in store? Of spending this lifetime with the wrong person. Of losing time. Of losing youth. Of losing love.

You see, we figure -- At least if we don't have love in the first place, we have nothing to lose.

Thoughts are the dandruff of the soul

Shivers — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 06:13:19 GMT

Thoughts are the dandruff of your soul. They are the stuff that flakes off when your soul is dry and itching, when it has not been well oiled with spirituality and inner healing. They are a sure sign that your soul has run dry, that you need to deeply condition yourself, that you need to give yourself some tender loving care, that you need to stay put for a while and just look after yourself. You need to meditate - it's your anti-dandruff shampoo. Close your eyes, breathe, and listen to your inhalation-exhalation process. Feel your breath, nothing more. It's a technique as old as the Himalayas... maybe older even. Your breath is what binds you to the universe. It is your only connection -- it is the most intrinsic way of belonging to the world, and having the world belong to you. Just breathe, and your soul will be cleansed -- it's a promise.

when your heart is hammering....

Shivers — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 17:46:13 GMT

my heart fell out of my chest and i knew suddenly what heartache meant. it is not an abstract concept. it is a very real pain when your chest constricts and your heart is beating at lightning speed and you can't breathe...when you want it all to end, and you don't know how to end it... when the anguish of being alive is too intense and there are no silver linings visible at close quarters... and you just hope and pray that when you die, people will miss you and regret all the things they did wrong and that you will be remembered forever after as a saint and an angel... that all the pain you have endured will wash your soul clean and that you will be forever cherished in heaven for bearing your crosses with a guiltless conscience and compassion for the undeserving and yet the already forgiven...

and then i forgave... and my heart stopped beating... and i realized with humility that i had nothing to forgive. for i am one of the ones needing forgiveness... for it was anger that had made me anxious... and in anxiety there is no innocence.

calm like the rainbow after the storm, i stared out at the world once again... and was finally able to smile.

poem

Shivers — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 13:36:01 GMT

The meaning in this poem could slant either way. Cherished Attitude In days gone by, and not too many at that, Stories are told of the times "out back". "Out Back" and away, where flowers grew well, The outhouse would stand, what stories it could tell. Stories of pranks could go on and on, Where memories were formed, great feuds were won. Cold starry nights were the best you see, Privacy was best; pranks were not likely to be. Dreams were born, as you sat down to read, That ole Sears catalog, of worries be freed. Of these days there are thoughts of gratitude, And a longing for that "ole outhouse attitude." In days to come, as it were thought to be smart, The days "out back" time would soon thwart. The sad part is, as those new days came on, Worries increased, days of pranks were gone. Most outhouses are gone, but a few still lean, Towards pranks and feuds, and the days they have seen. So when worries abound, and it's difficult to strive, That "ole' outhouse attitude should be kept alive.

Quality Link exchange

Shivers — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:58:08 GMT

Greeting,

My name is Gina Bowman,

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At the moment I am looking for quality sites to exchange links with and I believe that your website will be an impressive addition to the list of sites I currently exchange links with.

I reiterate that I only deal with quality sites that match my site in both content and design.

Please let me know if you would be interested in my proposition.

All the best
Gina.

poetry submission

Shivers — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:48:01 GMT

Attachment: Bookends poem.doc Attachment: FATHER'S DAY POEM.doc Attachment: INFINITY.doc

sensitivity

Shivers — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:20:01 GMT

to be sensitive is like being a tree in the city green and giving fruit and shade while the smoke chokes your lungs to be sensitive is like being a child in a war lost and searching for peace while the bullets tear you apart to be sensitive is like being a bird in a cage colourful and singing for open skies while the eyes close you in

POETRY SLAM

Shivers — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:38:11 GMT

lOOKING FOR WRITERS & POETS IN ALL SHAPES & SIZES TO PARTICIPATE IN ONLINE POETRY SLAM!!! SIMPLY EMAIL YOUR POEM TO shivers.poems@pnn.com and they will be published immediately!!! Check back here to know who won - and to read the other entries!!!

Here's to profane political profound rap insane revolutionary radical ridiculous funny satirical commentative meditative elusive poetry

Thought of the day

Shivers — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:47:02 GMT

"The longest road I ever walked was the one away from you

To be great is not a bad fate, but to be good is overdue

So off I am to plant the trees I should have planted long ago

And when one day their fruit you taste it is then that you will know

That I am sorry for the pain I caused on the path I did then choose

And that I would now grant with joy the favors I refused

I did not know how to be a soul I was busy being a child

In a world that has confused the innocent and the wild...

family

Shivers — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:29:13 GMT

Love your family. Through their tantrums and idiosyncrasies and dysfunctional behaviour and depression. Through all the worst times when you almost forget what it is you love about them. when you think it's their fault that your life didn't turn out the way it did. when you can't.

because there will be a day when you will know they are the ones who loved you the most.

what's more - you will want to love them more than you can, and will wish you had loved them like that from the early days...

don't apologize for the mistakes. it's a waste of time. set them right instead. start loving.

your mother, your grandmother, your husband, your wife, your kids, your ex-wife, your uncles and aunts, your godmother...

they are the best friends you can hope to have, because they were given to you. they were given to you to teach you something.

learn it well, so you don't have to learn it again a second time.

Seinfeld says

Shivers — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 20:31:37 GMT

I love that episode of Seinfeld when George can't think of a comeback line for "Hey George - the ocean called and they're all out of shrimp...." It's awesome. I don't know how many of you out there are seinfeld fans or have seen this particular episode... but this is what i love about seinfeld as a writer. his ability to point out the ridiculous things that we obsess about. our ultimate nirvana is the perfect comeback. the weirder the observation - the truer it is... i mean seriously, how many times have you wished you could get back at someone for something he did to you? and spent hours plotting about how to do it... and then you come up with the perfect plan and hope and pray that life gives you a chance to execute it... and that the guy will do exactly what he does in your script and you will reduce him to a simpering mongrel who will lie at your feet and wag his tail by the time you're through...or tuck his tail in and run, depending...

don't be saintly. be honest. i wanna know how many of you out there have felt the way george felt about not having a ready comeback... and then wanted to have your day...

My way or your way?

Shivers — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:07:39 GMT

There are two ways to live a life. Either you live it the way you want to, or else you live it the way others want you to.If you live it the way you want to, there are two things that could result - either you will make yourself happy and others happy, or you will make yourself happy and others sad.

More...

Dead Meat

Shivers — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:33:49 GMT

FISH FINALLY EXTINCT.

Is that the headline we're waiting for?

The Arctic ice caps are going to melt by August and all everyone is fighting over is the oil.